I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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