He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
