So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
