dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she smelled like a LAN party
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
