Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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