You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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