I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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