Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
