I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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