Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
