i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
