Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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