I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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