Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
