There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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