Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
