Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
PANTIES FOUND
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