Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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