I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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