I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
His nipple licking is glorious
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