What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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