Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
