Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
