why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
