I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
