We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
