Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
