i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are two peas in an std pod
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am available for nakedness
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
