Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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