there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
