Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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