Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
