alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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