i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
