Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
