she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
