Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
