Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
