they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
