do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
