i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
