Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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