I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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