I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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