Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
