I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
