Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
