Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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