Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
