I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
