he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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