NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He passed out mid-signature
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
